A particularly violent thunderstorm rolled up over the lake the other day moving rapidly west to east. The kind of uniquely Florida storm that stops every living thing in silence and you can feel the energy of the earth pause before it just completely unloads all hell. Unfortunately, it didn't let out a single drop of rain over here. Missed it by maybe a couple hundred yards. My actual yard and plants could have really used it.
A pair of swallowtail kites were skimming the water prior and as that pause of energy followed with a noticeably intense, cool wind, I watched them effortlessly catch it and ride away in unison faster than the hell could deliver, skimming the air, right on the edge of the awful.
Like big wave surfers. Not fleeing from it, but riding WITH it to safety.
That moment is where this song sprouted from.
As someone who has dabbled in depression longer than I knew what to call it, I am inspired with the recent openness, acknowledgement, and (hopefully) normalization that these post-covid times seem to have brought about. What a weird and welcome side effect of a pandemic.
Honestly, I am striving (when able) to be like those kites. It's an ever-present challenge. To be cognizant, in touch, and self-aware enough to see it coming and use it to get to a better place. Not running from it. Using it.
The image of the rising floodwaters of grief, and riding a leaf to safety really resonates with me. It's coming. Hopefully you see it coming. It's going to hit you. Use it. Ride it right the fuck out of there.
My father's Birthday is May 15th. I see it coming. It's going to hit me.
And I miss him terribly.
Big Wave Rider
I don’t want to confess
I don’t want to be brave
I don’t want to impress
I don’t want to be saved
I don’t want to be noticed
I don’t want to be missed
I don’t want to be held tight
I don’t want to be kissed
In the lowlands there’s trouble
High in a bubble
I float away
I don’t want to feel tired
I don’t want to sleep
I don’t want to feel hungry
I don’t want to eat
I don’t want to feel happy
It’s lost its appeal
I don’t want to feel sad
I don’t want to feel
When flooded with grief
I climb onto a leaf
And float away
Come stormy weather
Climb onto a feather
Float away
I don’t want to confess
I don’t want to be brave
Be set up for regret
Or dig my own grave
Be buried in the mud
Like the love in your blood
That flowed away
What’s done is done
Like the love in your blood
Flowed away
Big Wave Rider